At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
