remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
