I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
