Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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