Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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