Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
organizing the empties. That sober.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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