i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
