I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
