He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
