so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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