So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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