Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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