smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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