He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
