when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
