I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
