I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
