I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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