Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
