New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
