i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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