I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
