I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
