I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
