I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't turn off my feet"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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