My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
