My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
