I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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