Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Alive.
So much puke
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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