Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
