No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Are my feet made of real feet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
