I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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