my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
