I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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