Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
