Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize