This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
