All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
