someone threw a dead crab at me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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