i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize