remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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