i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
