Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
