I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
