why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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