i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
