Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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