have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
