Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
