My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
