oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
