Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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