Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
