Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
