I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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