I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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