We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
