if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
