I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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