You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
