I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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