a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
